In anticipation of the upcoming March for Science, I've come up with a little ditty to be sung to the tune of "Sixteen Tons", by Tennessee Ernie Ford. If you unfamiliar with the melody, see the video embedded at the bottom of the page. (My apologies if the meter is a little awkward in places.)
Sixteen Trials
(To the tune of "Sixteen Tons")
I'm a toxicologist studyin'
Human health
My enemies are lobbyists
Aflush with wealth
Insisting that we all can drink
Industrial waste
Pesticide and Cyanide
And enjoy the taste
Chorus:
You run sixteen trials,
And what do you get?
A hostile Congress that's
Screamin' 'bout debt
Senator don't call me
'Cause I can't go
I'm tryin' to discover facts
We all should know
I'm an ecologist searchin'
For animals and plants
Understanding their
Harmonious dance
But they've no monetary value
To a CEO
I'm in the way of business
They want me to go
Chorus
I'm a fossil hunter siftin'
Thru scrap from a mine
Creationists don't like
The things that I find
I've brought evidence to courtrooms
By the metric ton
Yet still they think they've got
Me on the run
Chorus
I'm a scientist creating
Vaccines for disease
Hopin' that no-one
Has to cough or wheeze
But hippies like to hound me
Like harpies so shrill
What the Right Wing doesn't ruin
The Left Wing will
Chorus
I'm a climatologist
Just doin' my thing
The GOP thinks I'm an
Illuminati king
They'll block me from findin'
A single fact
Then claim there's no info
On which to act
Chorus
Hope you liked it! Feel free to use and share as you wish. As promised, I've embedded a video of the original song below so you can get a sense of the tune. I'm a bit of a traditionalist, so I definitely recommend listening to the song as originally sung by Tennessee Ernie Ford; however, nobody can musically convey the feeling of the slog of unrewarding work quite like a choir full of former Communists.
